


Make Out Creek

by antioedipus



Category: Naruto
Genre: Crack, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Rare Pairings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-28
Updated: 2020-05-28
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:13:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24414151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/antioedipus/pseuds/antioedipus
Summary: Where does time go, when it has passed on? Or, how to achieve a wholeness beyond words.
Relationships: Sai/Tenten (Naruto)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	Make Out Creek

_“So would you tell me if you want me?”_

_Mitski, “Come into the Water”_

1

Sai is bad at parties. Or, to be more specific: Sai doesn’t know what to do at parties, so he assumes he is bad at them. His palms get sweaty, and he feels like he might die if someone looks at him. He is more comfortable observing the people around him, so he stays by the wall, without leaning against it. Rather, he stands with his back straight, a few inches away from it. Keeping to the side of the party, looking out at the scene.

Sasuke and Neji are quietly talking to Shino, while Naruto and Kiba are fighting over the stereo. Shikamaru and Chouji are in the corner, getting stoned. Sai wrinkles his nose at the smoke. Lee is trying to get Sakura and Hinata to dance with him. It is not that kind of party, but Lee doesn’t care about social conventions. If Sai were asked, he would say that Lee was actually worse at reading social cues than he is, but no one ever asks.

Most of these people, he has met in passing. Naruto, Sakura and Sasuke are his entire social world. Nonetheless, Sakura and Naruto insist that their friends are his friends, so they drag him to these parties. They just remind him of all the history he doesn’t share. So he sips his beer, and watches the party unfold.

As he scans the crowd, a laugh catches his attention. He looks in the direction it came from, blinking lazily, like a cat. It is coming from Tenten, who is speaking to Ino. He has worked with her, but he has never really looked at her before. Her face is shaped like a heart. Her hair is up in two buns, one on either side of her head. She must be funny; Ino is squeal laughing at something she said. Sai continues to look at her, since focusing on her helps to ease the anxiety in his stomach. It also appears to agitate a fluttering in his gut. He should look away. Before someone notices, or she returns his gaze. But he doesn’t look away.

He is too busy thinking about the choice, to look or look away, that he doesn’t notice when Sakura turns to look at him. She gets worried about Sai. She knows he doesn’t really know how to approach other people. She had thought about going up and speaking to him, but she can see the way he looks at Tenten, and she wouldn’t want to step in the way of fate.

Sai wishes he could look as relaxed as Tenten does. He wishes he had a real smile, a personality that he was certain to be his own. He looks down into his cup, and sips at his beer. He looks up, and as he sees Ino saunter over to Shikamaru, Tenten smiles and walks up to him. Sai thinks about panicking, but he quickly decides that it is not an option. He wants to talk to her, and if she is going to give him the chance, all the better.

Sai moves his face into what he perceives to be friendly indifference. He sips his drink as she approaches, smiling.

“Hi Sai!” She even does a little wave, her open hand making a small arc. He allows his smile to reach his eyes. “Hello.” He tilts his head to the side, and she mirrors him.

“I don’t think we’ve ever had a conversation before.” Tenten takes a sip of her drink, and Sai nods in response. She looks at him, expecting him to speak.

“Well, how are you?” Tenten asks. She doesn’t want to intrude, but she wants to speak to him. He is a mystery, a cipher. It’s irresistible, really. She never knows if she is reading him properly or not. He always seems to stay on the fringes, and the few times she hears him speak, he is talking about the situation at hand rather than offering insight into who he is. Everyone has a tell, his is just too subtle to notice right away.

He smiles. “I’m fine.” Sai isn’t used to people being interested in him. He was always the replacement, and while he has been accepted by Team Seven, he still feels like a mere substitute, obsolete with the return of Sasuke. He feels compelled to keep their conversation going. “I don’t really like parties.” Tenten nods.

“I don’t think anyone really _likes_ parties.” She replies, “I think we are here because we want to see each other. But parties? No one comes to a party for the party. You go because you want to see the people.” Tenten bites her lip. She doesn’t know if this is the kind of thing Sai wants to talk about. He nods, thinking.

“I have never felt comfortable at parties.” He says, “they are overwhelming. Sensory-wise.” She nods. It is a _that is exactly what I was thinking_ sort of nod.

“I can’t tell,” she replies. “you seem fine.”

“Just fine?” Sai’s mouth turns up at the corners. Tenten smiles.

“You look,” she pauses, looking for the right words, “cool and mysterious.” Sai finds it reassuring to know that his projection of cheerful disinterest is working, and her compliment makes him feel better about showing up.

“Cool and mysterious,” he tilts his head. People call him an enigma, but Sai believes that is because he doesn’t readily offer himself up to others. He usually comes across as aloof and dismissive. But from the way she keeps looking at him, Sai considers the possibility that she still wants to speak to him. His smile reaches his eyes. “That’s a new one.” Tenten blushes, and she looks away.

Don’t let it go to your head,” her voice is gruff, but her blush says something different. She takes a sip of her drink, and Sai allows himself to smirk. “Than where should it go?”

2

The first thing Sai notices, as he steps out of his door, is the smell of watermelon rind and grass clippings. It is an inexplicable phenomenon that he notices on his nightly walks. He no longer looks for an explanation. Although it is the middle of the night, Sai looks both ways before crossing the street.

It is a dark summer night. The street lamps are on, and Sai looks up at the warm, yellow glow. He finds it hard to sleep at night. It is like all the thoughts he can’t begin to register are all racing through his brain. He knows they are there, buzzing, but none of them are easy to grasp. Sometimes drawing helps him organize his thoughts, or staring up at the ceiling and waiting for sleep to take him, but tonight, he decides to go on a walk.

This is one of those moments where, if Sakura were here, she would ask him how he was feeling, or what he felt like doing. The truth is that Sai has lived most of his life without desire, in the sense that he never connected his feelings to his actions. He has always known better than to act on them. In the same vein, he doesn’t have any cravings, any unmet needs. He is self-sufficient.

Unlike his teammates, who all act out when confronted with an uncomfortable feeling, he can peel the emotion back to its core truth. No feeling, no matter how unpleasant, lasts forever. All Sai has to do is ride it out. So whenever he is anxious or buzzed, he just goes on a walk.

He walks down the street, hands in his pockets. Sai likes to think of a different question on each of his walks. Today, Sakura asked them where all the time had gone; when had they turned twenty-five? Sasuke had huffed and Naruto had listed their birthdays, but Sai had been intrigued by the question. Where does time go, when it has passed?

Sai looks up, and ponders this point. There can’t be a heaven for time. The past always informs the present, so it’s not like passed time ceases to exist altogether. Time can’t die, so it must go somewhere else. But where?

He moves the pieces in his mind, but nothing is fitting correctly. In all honesty, these are the questions he likes the best. Ones with no answers. He has a bounce in his step, immersing himself in his thoughts, and as he walks out the gate and into the forest, he smiles to himself. Time. It is a funny beast. He wonders if there was any way he could paint it. What does time look like?

As he thinks this, he sees a movement out of the corner of his eye. He turns, and he sees Tenten, sitting on a tree branch, swinging a leg. She hasn’t noticed him yet. Her arms are crossed and she is staring up at the sky.

He stops to look at her. He noticed it at the party, but he can see it clearly now: she is pretty. She has a sweet face, and a steadiness to her that he hasn’t seen in anyone else. He likes their friends, he really does, but she is the only one who could be described as consistent. She doesn’t stutter, or swing between extremes. Tenten is who she is. He could call it authentic but he would take it a step further: she is real. No part of her contradicts another. It is something Sai admires.

He walks up to her, and without thinking, says hello. Tenten jumps, and she nearly kicks him in the face. He ducks in time, and stands back up slowly, hands up in the air. She had recoiled from his direction, kneeling on the branch, ready to leap away. She looks fierce, even menacing, despite having a kind face. Once she recognizes him, she visibly relaxes. Her anger completely dissolves. “You really scared me, Sai,” she jumps off the branch to stand beside him.

“Apologies,” he replies, “I didn’t mean to.”

“You don’t seem like the type who likes scaring girls in the woods.” Tenten states, and she looks up at him. Sai looks down into her eyes, and he feels a wave of softness come over him. He doesn’t dislike the feeling. It just unnerves him.

“I can’t say you’re wrong,” he replies. Her eyes crinkle, and a sly expression plays across her face.

“But you won’t say I’m right?” Sai tilts his head, considering whether or not he should play her game. He isn’t used to people inviting him in on the joke, let alone passing it on to him.

“The verb is wrong,” his reply is a soft but flat. “I don’t want to scare anyone. But coming across a girl, in the woods?” Sai leans towards her, and he notes that she doesn’t back away. “I’m fine with that.” He turns and starts walking away, and he laughs when he hears Tenten sputter and follow him.

“That wasn’t nice!” She sounds frustrated, but not shrill or whiney. He likes the way her voice sounds. So much so, that he might make her do it again.

“Nice?” Sai turns to look back at her. She is on his heels, and her cheeks are puffed up.

“Teasing me.” She looks up at him, arms crossed. He makes eye contact with her, and she doesn’t budge. Her steadiness is increasingly becoming her most attractive trait, even cuter than her heart shaped face. He wants to make a jab, the one-two punch that sounds good in his head. But as he looks at her, he knows that he doesn’t have the resolve.

They hold eye contact, Sai strung between wanting to provoke her further without pushing her away, and Tenten waiting for him to speak. She can tell by his uncertain expression that she hit on something he didn’t fully understand. She sighs, walking up to him.

“Never mind,” she murmurs, “are you heading to the creek?” Sai’s tries not to let his face fall, for he can tell that whatever moment they were in is decisively over.

“I didn’t know there was a creek.” He replies quietly. She smiles at him.

“Want to come with me?” Tenten waves her hand forward, although she doesn’t look back.

He follows her without hesitation. “Who is teasing who?” Sai asks, and she turns to flash him a smile. “It’s more fun to leave that question unanswered.” Tenten looks ahead, and Sai stares at her back, smiling. They walk in silence, her in the lead, until they reach a clearing amongst the trees. Ahead is a creek, and Sai comes to stand beside her as they look into the water.

It is shallow and clear. The rocks at the bottom are all visible, even at night. Sai steps onto the bank, his feet sinking down into the mud. He crouches, and puts his hand in the creek. He likes water. He finds it soothing. He allows himself to enjoy how it feels for the water to flow through his fingers, and the weightlessness of his hand.

Tenten looks at his back as it curls in. She still isn’t used to the fact that Sai is so comfortable exposing his back. She wants to tell him to cover up, to protect himself. To keep his back a secret, rather than showing it to the rest of the world.

“Sai?” she asks, and he turns around, pulling his hand out of the creek. He blushes, looking embarrassed, like she has caught him doing something he wasn’t supposed to. He doesn’t say anything, so she walks over and kneels beside him. They look right at each other, silent for a few minutes. She looks away, and places her hand in the water, and he puts his hand back in as well. In silence, they allow the water to rush around their fingers, and they smile.

Tenten looks at him. He is focused on his hand, so she has a chance to actually look at him. He is beautiful. It doesn’t hurt to look at him, but it is hard not to stare. He never looks this peaceful, this relaxed. She can tell that he puts a lot of work into looking normal. Back in the woods, she saw that he was stuck between how he had wanted to respond, and how he thought she would like him to respond.

It broke her heart, to see someone who desperately wanted to be with people only look this at ease when he was practically all alone. She wanted to reach out and take his hand. Tenten looks back into the creek, knowing better than to pity him. It won’t help, and he isn’t a pitiable creature. He is a person, already whole. He just needs to see it.

“What do you think it would mean to be whole?” Tenten takes her hand out of the water, and looks at him. The peaceful expression doesn’t leave his face, but his jaw tightens.

“I think about wholeness the same way I think about beauty,” he replies. “I read a book that said there were two types of beauty: the first is a beauty within words. It creates a harmony amongst the mental faculties.” Sai pauses, taking his hand out of the creek. “Then, there is a beauty that is beyond words. It overwhelms the mental faculties; it is almost incomprehensible. The book referred to it as sublimity.” Sai stands up, and after wiping his hand on his trousers, he helps her stand up. She remains silent, because she can see that he has more to say.

“I guess there are two types of wholeness. There is the kind that fits everything together, into a neat circuit. The other is a wholeness that goes beyond words.” Sai looks at her. “I can’t say I have experienced it, but I know it exists.” He turns back to go into the woods, but Tenten grabs his arm.

“How can you know that something exists without seeing it?” Tenten’s voice is soft, but once again, its steadiness betrays an edge, a steel within her. Sai blinks, before turning back towards her. “It’s enough to know it is possible, Ten.” He says it softly, and for a brief moment something clicks into place, before he steps back towards the woods.

She inhales, and looks back at the creek, before wiping her wet hand against her pants and running back to catch up with his retreating figure.

3

They start regularly meeting for walks to the creek. Neither asks why the other can’t sleep, or why it is the woods that draws them. It is the kind of situation where the reason is beside the point. 

It’s not good that he is cutting back on sleep. He isn’t a chronic insomniac. He just wants to see her, and he hasn’t yet figured out how to actually ask her to see him during daylight hours. He has asked Naruto and Sasuke for advice, but they are both hopeless. They have way more confidence in Tenten’s feelings than Sai does. Naruto says that she obviously likes him if she is skipping out on sleep. Sasuke smirked and said that out of the whole team, he never imagined that Sai would be the one having a problem getting someone to agree to see him in broad daylight.

Sai always has it planned out in his head. But then night comes and he leaves his apartment, and sees her under a street lamp, and his resolve disintegrates. He has asked her out so many times in his head, that it isn’t funny. Naruto has even made him practice aloud. Naruto had wanted to use Sasuke, reasoning that there is no way Tenten’s face could ever look that cold and unreceptive. Sai had politely declined, so Naruto tried to rope in Shikamaru. He more or less said the same thing as Sasuke. His exact words were, “Sai has more than five functional brain cells, he has an even and predictable temper and he isn’t a traitor. He is the _objective catch_ on your team.” Sasuke had nodded in agreement, and Naruto had to prevent Sakura from pummeling Shikamaru into next week. When Shikamaru said that this display was only proving his point, she became so angry that Naruto needed Sai and Sasuke to help calm her down.

There really is no way to prepare yourself for rejection. Sai prefers to do things that he knows will be successful. So he doesn’t ask her out, and it triggers an entire anxiety spiral about whether or not he is breaking some unwritten rule about being friends with a girl you want to date.

But when he sees her under the streetlight, all his anxiety melts away. He isn’t brave enough to ask her out, but he can’t ignore how much better he feels for being around her.

There is something magical about Konoha when it is asleep. Tenten said that it was because there was no one preventing them from seeing the village as it is. Sai thinks about this comment when he is out during the day. He thinks to himself, as he walks around a slow person or dodges a squealing child, that he and Tenten have seen the reality of this place, not the illusion. He doesn’t know if it is the truth, but thinking about their conversations is something Sai likes to do when she isn’t around. It makes him feel connected to her, even when they are apart.

They are almost at the creek. It is a full moon, so the night is especially bright. She walks beside him, and she is telling him all about her mission. Her eyes are bright, and he can tell from her voice that she was proud of her work. It is another thing he likes about her. She has pride. She doesn’t make herself smaller, or self-deprecate. It is why she commands respect.

He turns to look at her, and when he sees how the moon hits her face, her heart-shaped, expressive face, he sees something he can only describe as sublime emerge. He turns away and shakes his head. It is not because he doesn’t want to see her, but because Sai thinks her sublimity is a secret that she would prefer to keep for another.

4

A month passes, and Sai still hasn’t told her that he has seen the sublimity of her face. He’s not ashamed, more overwhelmed than anything. In some ways, he wishes he had never seen it. Sai would much rather live without knowing he was going without. But now he knows the secret of her face, one that she appears ignorant of, and he has no choice but to ride this indignity out.

Once again, they walk towards the creek. It is _stink-o hot_ , to borrow a phrase from Kiba. She is in a talkative mood, and he listens to her. She has a way of making the most complex things sound so simple and easy to understand. Something either is or it is not. This doesn’t mean that there is no room for ambiguity. Tenten just knows that her life is far easier if she applies some sort of judgement to what happens to her.

Sai doesn’t know if he agrees, but Tenten soon clarifies. It is more about having a strong reflex. The trick is how to make an accurate judgement as a reflexive, rather than reflective action. So that’s how she can narrow everything thing down into a simple proposition. It either is, or it is not. That shuriken is either flying at your head, or it is not. You are either walking into a trap, or you are not. She confesses that she uses it for pretty much everything.

As she talks, Sai muses over her proposition. _Either she likes me, or she does not_. The problem, which Tenten hasn’t accounted for, is that there is something underneath every judgement: the truth. Tenten speaks as if it is a matter of developing an intuitive grasp of the truth. Like knowing when there is a trap without seeing the trip wire. But some truths don’t work this way. He would like to think that he can sense a mutual attraction, but that could be wishful thinking on his part. He doesn’t _know_ how she feels about him.

He should probably just ask her. Sai turns to his left, mouth open, but she isn’t there. Rather, she has run up ahead, and her shoes are on the bank of the creek. Her arms are out in a straight line, as she balances on the slippery rocks.

“Sai,” she calls back, “you should come in!” Sai strolls up to the bank, silent. She has a big smile on her face, and the creek is only a foot deep. Apparently, he was so distracted that he didn’t even notice her roll up her pants.

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea.” He replies, uncertain and trying to regain his focus. The moon is full again, and he knows that there is a good chance that he will see the sublimity, the truth lurking within her face. Tenten rolls her eyes.

“It is only a foot deep, and you like water.”

“But I’m not like you,” Sai replies, “I don’t like getting my feet wet.” Tenten smiles at his joke, and Sai relaxes.

“We’re the same,” she says quietly. “Come into the water.” He blinks, because they aren’t the same at all. Not even remotely. But he kicks off his sandals, and rolls each pant leg up. It is so hot that the mud feels warm, and he feels a root poke his foot. Even now, he can’t escape reminders of where he came from.

He steps into the water, and Tenten watches him move with a grace that she could never possess. He doesn’t even pretend to slip. Sai moves with purpose, and when he has a goal, he doesn’t waiver. Tenten envies his sense of commitment, so strong that his body always obeys. She had said that they were the same, but that wasn’t true, not one bit.

It takes seconds but it feels like minutes, for him to stand over her. She looks up at him, and he thinks: _I can either look or turn away_. As soon as he makes the proposition, he feels the pull of the truth. Tonight, he decides that he won’t turn away from sublimity. The moon is full, and when she tilts her head up, she realizes that she had been waiting for him to walk up and hover over her.

Waiting for him. It’s what she has been doing for the past two months. Waiting and hoping he would step into the water with her, and look at her. They stand under the night sky, and Tenten looks up at his face. They are different. She hadn’t acknowledged it, but their relationship is predicated upon an essential difference, the one that exists between two people who desire each other. Never before has she apprehended the divide so clearly.

She has been one of the boys for twenty-six years, and while she has been with others, they had never made her hyperaware of the space between them. But Sai makes her feel like a girl. The nature of the difference isn’t their different parts, but the fact that a few inches of space feels like a mile between them. His face isn’t enigmatic, not to her. She can tell that he has noticed the gap, and he doesn’t care for it one bit.

“We are made up of different parts, aren’t we?” Tenten asks in a whisper. He leans in to hear her, and she puts a hand on his cheek. Sai feels the truth tugging at him as he steps closer.

“Yes, we are,” he murmurs, like he is saving this observation for later. Tenten runs a thumb along the smooth plane of his cheek, and she bites her lip.

“Sai?” Tenten looks right into his eyes, “may I kiss you?” Sai feels his throat go dry, and he nods. She smiles, and leans up.

It’s fun, kissing Sai in the creek. He is sweet, sweeter than she expected. She puts her arms around his waist, and when she pulls away, he looks sort of dazed. She smiles up at him.

“Did you like it?”

“Kissing you?” Sai replies. Tenten nods, and Sai responds by kissing her again. Time speeds up and slows down around them, and she presses herself up right against him. A hand brushes his spine, and it creates this sparking feeling in his stomach. Tenten pulls back, and she releases her arms, stepping back. They look at each other for a second. They both thought it would be nice, but neither were prepared for how much fun it ended up being.

Tenten looks up at the sky, and thinks about all that the stars have seen. She bites the inside of her cheek, realizing how late it had become. She turns her gaze back to Sai, and taking his hand, she leads them out of the water.

As they head back to the village, their hands brush. It is incredibly distracting, if Sai were to be honest, but pulling away isn’t an option. He walks her all the way home, and before she steps inside, she kisses his cheek. She is going on a mission, and she won’t be back for a week. Please wait for her to get back.

5

For Sai, time is now divided between before and after she touched him. He feels like he is crawling out of his skin after one night away from her. It is then that he realizes that waiting will be hell. He doesn’t know if it is because of the kissing, or because they didn’t talk about what it meant. His tells were all beaten out of him as a child. Sai doesn’t show stress through fiddling, nail biting or hair twirling. But he nearly chews a hole in his cheek, waiting.

Waiting. Sai isn’t the hero in this story. He is the one waiting for the hero to return. In some ways, it is a welcome change. But waiting is made worse knowing that she could be in danger. It is maddening. There is nothing but time stretching towards an undetermined end point. She planned for a week, but it could easily end up taking more time. There is a certain shame the accompanies the powerlessness of waiting, that helps Sai understand Sakura’s frustration with both Naruto and Sasuke, or the way Asuma’s death shattered Kurenai.

He starts waiting at her door around sunset. He didn’t bring anything but his house key, and he is so anxious that he isn’t remotely bored. He tells himself that waiting is meditative. That this is a good time to practice emptying his mind of all thoughts. Perhaps he could achieve enlightenment in the time it would take her to leave her apartment.

When she opens her door, she is startled to find him right there. He puts his hand behind his head and looks away from her. He feels ashamed of how much he likes her, and he thinks he probably looks like a loser, waiting around like this. He scratches the back of his neck with the nail of his pointer finger.

“Hi,” Tenten smiles at him. Her face lights up, and it takes a few minutes for Sai to realize that it is because she saw him. She steps out the door and locks the door behind her. “How was your week?” Sai thinks about how he ought to respond. The honest answer is anxious and stressful. But Sai knows that the truth makes him sound pathetic, like he has no inner life.

“Oh, it was fine,” he replies. Tenten gives him a look as she leads them down the street.

“Fine is the answer you give when you don’t actually want to talk about it.” She says, “but you don’t owe me an answer.” Sai frowns.

“Why don’t I owe you an answer?”

Tenten shrugs, falling back into step with him. “Well, I was gone for a week.” She looks right at him, with a soft expression. “A lot can change in seven days.” She looks ahead of her, and Sai watches her throat move as she swallows. He frowns, but he looks away.

“It sucked,” Tenten starts speaking, “being away from you.”

Sai doesn’t know what he wants to do with this information. No one has ever told him that it was painful to be away from him. He has been missed, but to his knowledge, he has never been yearned for. Touching his tongue to the roof of his mouth, he thinks of an old question: is this where time goes? Is it poured into what we think about, the people and things on which we expend our emotional energy?

If that is the case, the last 68 days have been completely given over to Tenten. He doubts that she knows that he has given her all this time, and it would probably be embarrassing to tell her. Sai puts his hands in his pockets, not answering.

She keeps her head up, absorbing the impact of his silence. It hurts, but she said all she had to say. If Sai doesn’t feel the same way, it is good that she knows this now. She won’t get the last two months back, but she can reclaim the future she had willingly signed over to him. He was all that she has thought about, but she can find someone else. It will take time, but she could do it. She keeps her hands to her side, and she doesn’t change the stoic expression on her face until they are out in the woods.

Their silence is awkward, and as they step off the main path, Tenten decides that she needs to change that. She closes her eyes and steps in front of him. She feels Sai stop behind her, as she stumbles around in the dark.

“What are you doing?” Sai asks, squinting in the dark. Tenten stops, and she turns towards his voice. Her eyes are squeezed shut, and her smile is strained.

“I want to see without eyes.” She replies, her voice full of fake joy. Sai’s mouth quirks up.

“I doubt you have to be so literal,” Sai walks up to her, deciding that she will probably need him to prevent her from breaking a limb or worse. She turns her face from him, but he registers her frown.

She walks ahead of him, and he stays on her heels. She can feel him right behind her, and it makes her tummy flutter. She tries to ignore the feeling, telling herself that it is not to be indulged. She can not only take a hint, she can accept it and move on.

Sai is impressed that she hasn’t stumbled yet. He can tell that something has shifted between them, and that she has grown colder. Like she is getting further away, even though she is close. The water gurgles up ahead, and they are close to the point where the grass becomes a marshy bank. He puts his hand out and touches her back. She stops, and turns around, eyes closed.

“Can you please open your eyes?” Sai asks, and she gently open her eyes, blinking to adjust to the low light. She presses her lips together, and he tries not to look at her mouth. “I didn’t like waiting.” Sai crosses his arms, and he holds them to his chest, like a hug. Tenten frowns and tilts her head, and her face almost blooms open when she does the math in her head.

“I didn’t want to keep you waiting.” Her voice is quiet, like she is telling him a secret. “I didn’t want to go.” As he exhales, he lets his arms fall to his sides.

“It was the kiss, wasn’t it?” Sai asks, looking into her eyes. She smiles at him, and steps towards him.

“It was some kiss.” She looks into his eyes, and he anticipates her next move. He places a hand on her hip, and he reminds himself that she wants to be here, with him, too.

“May I kiss you?” Tenten feels his thumb trace a circle on her hip, and while she thinks the answer is obvious, and that it always will be, she wants to say it again. “Yes.”

**

They end up on the grass, with Tenten’s back to the ground and Sai over her. The night is just as hot as it was the first time they touched. She sighs into his mouth, and one of her hands is on his shoulder, under his crop top. Sai had gone to take it off, but she had shaken her head. She doesn’t like the idea of him being so exposed, out here in the open. She wants him to be safe, to be as protected as he can be.

When she brushes his spine she feels him shiver. She pulls back and smiles at him. Sai gives her a confused look, tilting his head. She moves her hands up to the first button of her shirt, the one above her collarbone. Sai watches her, and when she slips her arms out of her top, she lies back down on it, exposed.

He looks down at her stomach, and he brushes a thumb against the freckle above her belly button. He doesn’t feel anything cliché, like reverence. Instead, there is a wave of overwhelming feelings. Desire is there, as is adoration and fascination. But above all, he feels an incredible amount of care, of tenderness. He wants her, but not in the repetition of man and woman. Sai wants the little cosmos of Tenten. Looking at her, bare to him and smiling, showing him the secret of her belly button, Sai knows that not only does he want _her_ , but he wants her to desire him the same way.

He sits back on his heels, and he smiles at her. She sits up on her elbows with a grunt. “What is it, Sai?” Tenten asks, trying not to sound as insecure as she feels. Sai rubs her knee, and she can tell he has something on his mind.

“May I take your pants off?” Sai’s question is so forthright that Tenten can only throw her head back and laugh, before nodding and unfastening them. He pulls them down, and he folds both her pants and underwear before placing them to the side. It makes her smile, and she sits up to kiss his chin. He looks at her, confused.

“I just felt like it.” His eyes soften, and he nods, clearly understanding. She lies back down, and she looks up at the stars. She opens her legs to him, and for the first time, it strikes her how open she is, that to welcome him in she has to be vulnerable to the rest of the world. He puts his mouth against her, and she releases the breath she didn’t know she was holding.

In all the books Sai has read, this kind of feeling usually involves candles and nice bed linen and an element of the forbidden, with a stark contrast between hard and soft. With other girls, it had always been easy for Sai to remember that they were separate people. But here, with his head between her legs and her hand on the crown of his head, Sai feels like they are operating as extensions of each other. It is all easy.

She had started flat on her back, but she has raised herself on an elbow, trying to bite back a moan. Taking in a breath, she looks up at the sky, again, as if all the answers are there. She thinks about the time Neji told her about the sudden heat death of the universe. In essence, death is constriction and life is expansion. Inevitably, the universe will expand past an undetermined limit, and it will collapse in on itself, destroying everything.

Every bit of her feels expansive, as if it were growing. Maybe this is how she will die. It wouldn’t be a bad way to go. Does the logic of heat death apply to orgasms? Because she is racing to the peak, and she won’t forgive Sai if he doesn’t throw her from the metaphorical cliff. She makes a high-pitched whine and shifts her hips side-to-side, and he gets the message. His tongue lands on an impossible patch of velvet, and he can tell that this is _the_ spot from the way she says his name and shudders with her entire body.

When it is over, she breathes hard, looking at him with wide eyes. She feels so empty, like he is far away even though he is right there. He looks uncertain, like he doesn’t know the right way to go from here. “I want you inside me,” tumbles from her mouth. His eyes go wide, and she hastily adds _please_. He smiles and he leans into her embrace.

He smiles into her mouth as she unbuttons his pants, and she sighs when they finally melt together. Here, against the grass and the dirt, with the heat of the earth, it is all soft between them. Each time they move against each other, they unite and overcome the difference between them, creating something larger and more expansive than the two of them.

Sai had always thought that sex was two bodies moving together. It is far from perfect and in no way, even remotely, sublime. But this is different. He wonders if this is the place from where stars are born. She doesn’t look away from his face, actually, she puts her hand on his jaw and asks for more, _please_. Ever obliging, he reaches into himself for that reserve of _more_ , something he didn’t know he carried inside of him.

She wraps herself around him, and she kisses his throat. Tenten has never felt this way. Part of her wants to assume that this feeling is a fluke, that there is no way sex could feel this good. But there is a deeper conviction that tells her that no, this is the truth of sex. Everything else was a simulation or a cheap imitation of this feeling. Feeling impossibly close to someone, and still wanting more. Expansion. That is sex, and she comes to the conclusion that she has been doing it wrong this whole time.

They have achieved the impossible. They are one piece of undifferentiated being. A wholeness beyond words. With this thought, Tenten comes again and Sai follows her soon after, burying his head into her shoulder. They lie there for a bit, and Sai mutters that he should move before he falls asleep. Feeling raw and worn, she squeaks when he pulls out. He looks at her apologetically, fixing himself and zipping up his pants. There is mud and grass on his knees, and she can only imagine how dirty she is. She knows she will be a little stiff tomorrow, and she has a few tender spots on her back that will probably bruise.

She stands up, and he helps her brush off the leaves and bits of grass that stuck to her body. He kisses the divot of her hip, the soft flesh right beside the bone. It’s a sweet gesture, and it breaks her open again. He gives her clothes back, and he brushes leaves off the back of her cream blouse as she steps into her pants. They both look hopelessly messy, and Sai is grateful that they won’t be walking back into the village in broad daylight.

Tenten takes her buns out, telling him that she would need a mirror to fix them. He nods, and helps shake out her hair. She turns around to look up at his face, and she still looks flushed. “That was fun,” she says, keeping the mood light. She wants to say revelatory, both shattering and affirming, but the only word she can think of for that is joy and she knows how dumb that sounds. Sai smiles back at her, nodding his head. “Yes,” he smirks, “that was a lot of _fun_.” She rolls her eyes, and she takes his hand in her own, and leads them out of the woods.

When they get to her apartment, she asks him to come inside. His place is far and it’s late and Sakura told her that they both have the day off tomorrow. Sai nods, and follows her into the building.

**Author's Note:**

> I could write literal ballads about these two. They deserve it all. It weirds me out too. It's not fair that they are a crack pairing. 
> 
> The book is Immanuel Kant's Critique of Judgement and a slight reference to Prolegomena to Any Future Metaphysics.


End file.
